A few hours ago, Ariana Grande released a song entitled Thank You, Next. Within the first hour I listened to it on repeat at least 20 times. She recently broke off her engagement a week after finding out her ex committed suicide. The song is a love letter to her exes including her former fiancé and the one who passed away. Despite the musical bop and her beautiful voice, you wonder about the depth of the song and then it shows up. She says, “I’ve loved and I’ve lost/ but that’s not what I see/ look what I got/ look what you’ve taught me.” Later on in the song she says, “She taught me love/ She taught me patience/ And she handles pain/ That ... amazing/ I've loved and I've lost/ But that's not what I see/ Just look what I've found/ Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say I’m so [..] grateful for my ex.”
Earlier this week my best friend published a love letter to black women seeking rebirth where she discusses leaving her job before having another one lined up, her partner breaking up with her during her time of job seeking, reflecting on the ideology that black women should have it all toghether at all times and when she considered it all, suicide seemed like the less stressful option. But with the pressing and outpouring of love from dear friends she took time, worked through her healing, landed the job of her dreams and discovered a love for herself like never before. [It’s much deeper and way more beautiful than this synopsis so click the link and check it out.] In the end she says, “So, I say with conviction do not question what the universe sweeps away as a result of you choosing yourself.”
There’s a thankfulness (without being November cliche) that stirred up within me about the road of our Womanhood when it leads us back to ourselves. Roads that might lead us towards suicide or depression or confusion or hopelessness but one that, without searching, allows us to find our light in the most darkest seasons — in the most unlikeliest people. It’s much easier to look back on your life assaults and blame, curse and wear the shame of your experience. But there’s more freedom to look back on life’s most difficult moments and say thank you: Because of what you taught me, I am able shine brighter.
There’s something powerful about looking at yourself in the mirror and the revelation that comes when you can reflect on what you’ve learned from your own strength when your strength may have been all you had.
There’s something powerful when you consider the people who should’ve been there for you but how God uses someone else to show you a deeper love — a more committed intimacy.
Tonight I go to bed praying for my sisters who have walked through heartbreak this year on any level. Whether it’s loss through divorce, a death, breakup or a mutual decision to choose you until further notice. Though the journey might be one you didn’t expect to take, I pray that as you choose life, as love finds you through thoughtfulness, phone calls, check ins and face to face interactions, as you put one foot in front of the other that the weight will get lighter and your heart grows full.
Praying for open flood gates; rivers overflowing in this season of your life. May you find beauty in the loss and comfort in knowing you aren’t alone.
Caneeka
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” Melody Beattie